Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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