dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
