the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
