She is in my trunk
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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