Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
