my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
