if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
are you so shy because you have an std?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
