Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
