Don't you send me to vm
I hate your face
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
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