I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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