Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
