Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
