Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
