I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
