Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
