Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize