I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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