I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
