I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
