During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
