It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize