I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
