I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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