Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
