I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
