she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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