The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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