My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize