I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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