Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
