I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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