Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
