I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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