I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
