ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
