wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love you. Go after that dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
