I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
