Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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