I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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