i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
