she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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