I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
