Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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