I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
