No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
