wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
