and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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