i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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