i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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