You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize