Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
