I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
