Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
