Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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