quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
