My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
