Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
