After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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