She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
