i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
