and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
