The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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