did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
