some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
