you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
