you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
