Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
