He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
