My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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