the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
