mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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