one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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