She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
