she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
