that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
